First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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