Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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