he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
