i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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