I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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