If that was your dad, he is hot
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
