I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
