So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
