Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
