is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
