i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
