I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
