I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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