so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
