im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
