So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
