Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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