he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
