I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize