What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
