Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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