He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
