at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
