Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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