the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
