u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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