farters have to be the big spoon...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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