I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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