Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
