It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
