I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
