How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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