I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize