If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
