she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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