Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
