At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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