Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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