dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
