His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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