dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
