I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
