If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
