Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
