First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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