I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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