I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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