Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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