but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
