Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
