My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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