My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
as a side note pls kill me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
