Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
