You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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