sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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