i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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