Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He shit in the fireplace
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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