my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
