My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
