Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
