How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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