i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
