I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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