she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
