Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
