I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
