I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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