My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
