Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
