Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
