why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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